You’re never too old

I’ve decided that I need to find something to do with all the time I have on my hands.  Kinda change directions.   Or just find something to fill in the hours of the day. Since I work from home, I don’t have the pleasure of seeing people come into the office. And since I don’t drive, for which the entire town is thankful, I am a bit restricted.

I listen to the news a lot — yes, mostly Fox network news — because  they just don’t have programming like they used to. No Mary Tyler Moore, Bob Newhart, MASH or Johnny Carson. (I haven’t watched a single late night show since he went off the air.) No Cheers. Even Bill Cosby before his fall from grace.

But I find myself criticizing or correcting their English, their “ers,” “ahs’  and how they interrupt each other.

Now I don’t have a degree in public speaking, but I think I could be a big help to them, and make them much better and more “listenable.”

Then there are the ads that assume the viewers are not quite smart enough to know what they are viewing, or what a great deal they are being offered.

For instance, a salesman (actually a saleswoman) was giving a homeowner all the reasons she should buy a particular style of new window. The selling point was: “You won’t have a single payment for 12 months. To make that perfectly clear,” she said somewhat snobbishly, I thought, “that means you won’t have a payment for one full year.”

That would have made me cringe and decide if she thought I was that dumb, I didn’t want her windows.

Or I could help with all the new beauty products, health products that flood the ads.

One ad for a Botox product warned: If you have trouble breathing, talking or swallowing, call your doctor immediately.”

If I can’t breathe, talk or swallow, it’s highly unlikely I’ll be able to call ANYONE.

I think I would be a good harbinger of what salesmen should emphasize, better and more correct language by hosts and commentators, and maybe, just maybe, I could be an anonymous ad writer. Right here from home

They could send me the product information, and I’d write a two-minute ad that would catch the attention of viewers.

As for the medical and beauty products, just don’t ask me to check them out. I would be the one checking out the Botox, unable to breath, swallow or talk. And if I can’t talk, I am always in trouble.

On second thought, maybe I had better just stick with what I have been doing for 50 years and hope I don’t find my emails to Nathan coming back “address not found.”